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Descent

At least today, based on reading what I wrote for the last couple of days, I do not like where this daily writing exercise is going. It’s clear at the outset that I’m writing for myself, but it’s as if I’m still performing while doing so, getting all pretentious writing about supposedly deep topics I have no business writing about. On the one hand it’s quite entertaining to see myself dare, but at some point one has to regroup and avoid falling into some sunk cost reasoning that since I started pulling some thread I somehow have no choice but not to stop. I can stop.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that there is no shame in changing one’s mind. One could always take the digression more seriously than the original intent, especially while recognizing that initially there was no intent whatsoever, intent mostly just applied retroactively to things that seem to work, as what usually happens anyway, but never quite admitted out loud. From here I see the thread of agency and free will dangling and very tempting to pull; but not today.

To have some retroactive explanation for what I’m doing, maybe I’m collecting some training data. Maybe I’m just practicing producing words lest I forget the ability to do so, lately having most of my brain muscles attuned to consumption of ideas and less to producing them, which I think is unhealthy. Maybe this is a an exercise of conscious synthesis of thoughts. Or maybe this is just a distraction. But if one would for a moment take seriously the randomness of living, what isn’t? At least the opportunity cost is just half-an-hour and some sense of satisfaction after.

After all, it turns out I’m able to say a whole lot of nothing with so many words. That’s pretty cool, I think, at least.

Enough for today.

Some things I noticed 01/12/2020:
  1. arsenic was historically used to remove awkward people? Oh no.
  2. Nataly Dawn Don’t Start Now
  3. how breasts became browsers
  4. if this is true, then everything is naturally expected to go downhill from birth. (This is true, why am I always hedging?)
  5. oh wow so i get why something poetic could be derived from this concept. I have to get to finally reading that book
  6. so bummed about yesterday’s entry while writing it, because nothing of substance was coming to mind the whole time, but then exactly after hitting publish the timer sounds, and it was satisfying

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