Day 11.

The feeling that one had more time in youth is an illusion. There isn’t less time. That can’t be. What’s actually happening is that the brain has more stuff. Cramming even more things to it takes longer.

Measuring time in absolute units in the context of learning is not helpful. A measure for how fast the brain could process input per unit time would be more appropriate. Yet the many kinds of inputs and variations of brain states make for even more combinations of the two. Creating a yardstick for that is hard.

Sleeping is easy in comparison. There’s nothing like good sleep to give the brain time to make space for new data. It is of interest that the exact same cause as the brain having thoughts make getting to sleep difficult.

Once one makes the intention to sleep known, it’s as if thoughts become aware of being in line to the chopping block. Each one makes their best case right then hoping to survive the upcoming purge. Hear them one by one, but do not engage. It is their way to say goodbye.

Imagine holding a sieve against the current of a river. In fact we do not have to be so fancy. Imagine fingertips touching the sand spread against the coming and going of waves. Or against running water from an open faucet.

In this metaphor, there’s supposed to be some brain, some time, some sleep, and some learning; but they all got away. Sleep and don’t waste water. Enough for today.

Metaturnal Shift

Day 4 of the rewrites. Knowing what happened is less important than knowing how it did or did not change oneself. That is, of course, if one places the utmost value to knowing oneself.

If I were to continue yesterday’s thoughts, here’s how it would go. Knowing that one would leave a record of one’s activities changes one’s behavior. Ephemerality is like a safe space where one could entertain a wider array of ideas, even “wrong” ones. Otherwise, one might restrict oneself to comfortable patterns of thought.

But if I wrote at this very moment that I’d like to walk back on that, I could. If I write something one day, the fact that I’m recording it does not stop me from denying the thought the day after. One can always admit to a change of mind, even in this paragraph. Doing that here highlights how hypocritical it is to say ephemerality is decreasing. Even records can be overwritten.

To scale back a bit, in the context of differing timescales, both could be right. For example, compared to a mosquito I could swat in a heartbeat, I’m rather not ephemeral at the moment. But then this version of me today would be as good as dead once I sleep later. After merging the changes from today, it might be by a little bit, but I would be different tomorrow. Enough of that will happen, and though I wish not in the same manner, I will definitely expire like the mosquito.

I could say more, but this entry is getting too long, so I better reserve some for tomorrow.

Enough for today.

This entry was all over the place. It took a shortcut. It wanted to say that the supposed bad effects of the seeming lack of ephemerality weren’t so bad. But then midway it conflated the freedom to change one’s thoughts with ephemerality. That’s why it’s confusing.

At least, if the point was to itself be a proof of ephemerality, it succeeded. I definitely won’t be back reading this again.

Some things I noticed 01/28/2020:
  1. Ha! Joke’s on you CGPGrey. (And no, that one date due to metaturnal shift doesn’t count. Also, knock on wood, finger’s crossed, bite lips, lick elbow.)
  2. Engineer all the food.
  3. All meaning is ascribed.
  4. We stand up here confused and grateful.” – Mr. F. O’Connell
  5. Well-played.
  6. Termites vs Ants standoff
  7. Language of Thought Hypothesis